Introduction
“Cell phones are almost always on-hand and allow users to
connect with an array of services and networks at almost any time and any place”
(Lepp, Barkley, Karpinski, 2014). With cell phones becoming more popular and
powerful in today’s society, it can be very easy to become distracted when using
one. These cell phones have become a liability in the educational world, especially
when it comes to college students (Lepp, Barkley, Karpinski, 2014; Kuznekoff,
Titsworth, 2012). In college, most classes are lecture based, it’s crucial that
you focus your attention throughout the class and take the best notes possible.
‘‘During lecture learning, students must continuously and simultaneously
listen, select important ideas, hold and manipulate lecture ideas, interpret
the information, decide what to transcribe, and record notes’’ (Kiewra et al.,
1991, p. 241). With various technological advancements, such as texting and social
media, it’s easy to become off task and lose focus of the content being taught.
These are problems that are becoming more prominent, which I believe will cause
a severe drop-off in grades for many students.
While conducting research for my last paper talking about the
dangers that cell phones can cause, there seemed to be a lack of information when
it came to how cell phones affected students in an academic setting. Considering
how tech-savvy we have become, this information could be very beneficial for
college students worldwide. I will be conducting research surrounding this
topic myself by creating a survey and sending it to a variety of college
students in Iowa. The information received will greatly benefit my research to
hopefully find how cell phones affect an academic setting and sleeping schedule.
A few areas of improvement:
ReplyDelete1. Add some of the data from the Lepp, Barkley, Karpinski study and the Kuznekoff, Titsworth study. The reader will understand how much cell phones affects college students.
2. The last two sentences of the last paragraph should be reflected as if the survey was already conducted. Avoid saying you will conduct research, say that you did and how you did it.
3. I have added some corrections on the paper to make the sentences concise and flow better.
Joe,
ReplyDeleteYour introduction on the dangers of cell phones was well done and I was easily able to understand the topic and information provided. You clearly stated why the topic is important and you used a few sources to add information to justify the importance of the topic. I was easily able to identify your gap in knowledge and you stated why that gap in knowledge is important and how your research will help with this gap.
Although your importance and gap are very clear, I believe you need to add more information and synthesize the perspectives from at least 4 sources. Currently, you have mentioned 3 sources in your introduction, but you do not show how those sources relate in anyway. By synthesizing sources, you will show the different views on the topic and reinforce the importance.
The language used throughout your introduction is very comprehensible and I did not find many errors in writing. I did notice that your in-text citations are formatted incorrectly. When a source has more than 1 author, you should say the first authors last name, and then use et al. followed by the year of publication. For example, (Lepp et al., 2014). By fixing your sources, you will earn all points possible for this criteria and also allow for a more understandable and concise introduction.
Overall, I believe your introduction was well done but you could work on adding and synthesizing more information as well as fixing your in-text citations.
Good job,
Hannah Sadler